Egg Baby
by chickenscrews
Summary: Life as a Teen Titan and a high school student is never easy. Even more so when a little bundle of joy, a paternally inept partner, a jealous boyfriend, and an evil super-villain are thrown in the picture... Loosely based off a Batman Beyond episode.
1. Chapter 1

I'd like to apologize ahead of time for the scene with the egg mascot. Look, it's 4/20 and I'm not sure what those fumes were that I inhaled. Nah, I'm just kidding.

Further more, I know it's pretty unoriginal of me to use a plot like this since the idea of a super hero taking care of some kind of child has been used so many times before, but I really wanted to give it a shot.

* * *

**_Egg Baby_**

It was another sunny Friday for the inhabitants of Jump City; summer vacation was just around the corner, after all. Of course, this was especially pleasing for the city's students. With the coming of summer meant three months of school-free vacation and the freedom to do whatever they pleased.

But such fantasies would have to wait.

As for right now, they would have to endure three more weeks of the evil education system of horrible doom known only to mortals as "school". But what was three mere weeks?

In a local school, Murakami High, anticipation hung in the air like the decayed and bloodied corpse of their principal on a twine noose. Ah, what a Halloween prank that was.

Even in the Home Economics class on the third floor, students were too lost in their dreams and personal conversations to pay attention to the teacher's important lecture.

"Was anybody _listening_?!" asked the Home Economics teacher, Mrs. Romano.

Immediately, the whole class turned their heads to the front of the class.

All but one.

In the front row, a particular blonde girl was lost in her thoughts of what joys awaited her after this school day ended, her lazy head resting in her hands propped up by both elbows on the desk. Everyone took notice of the dreamy look on her face and knew exactly what—or rather _who_—she was thinking of.

Somewhere where the sun was always shining, in an endless valley of green pastures, she and a green boy were having the time of their lives.

All it took to interrupt that fantasy was one grim and disturbing voice belonging to a grim and disturbing person.

"Miss Markov!" shouted Mrs. Romano in her stern voice.

Terra quickly awoke from her dreamland and noticed that the whole class was looking at her, all of them stifling laughter. Terra scanned the sea of faces all concentrated on her, embarrassment swelling up inside of her.

But her humiliation was quickly replaced by horror when she saw her frightening teacher standing right in front of her, a soul-shattering look in her eyes.

"Miss Markov, this is the third day in a row this has happened. You can visit your little boyfriend when class is over. Until then, I expect you to pay attention. Got it?"

Too frightened to respond, Terra simply nodded her head and replied with a weak "Y—yes, ma'am."

In the back of the class, a boy with dark red hair was witnessing the whole thing. Even with the bangs dipping past his eyes, he could see everything perfectly. He allowed himself to make a brief chuckle, as did everyone else in the room.

Ordinarily, it would be weird that a junior was in a sophomore class, but he needed to take this class in order to receive all his required credits to pass this year. And with the end rapidly approaching, he was in no position to argue. So he decided to simply accept the situation, despite his annoyance of the whole thing.

"Oh man, X, she did it again!" a mohawked boy sitting next to him whispered loudly, his voice tinted with laughter.

Zeke Lancaster, nicknamed "X" by his peers, continued his mild fit of laughter, unaware that everybody else had stopped and was looking at _him_ now.

"Do you find something amusing, Mr. Lancaster?" the teacher asked, still in front of Terra's desk.

X quickly ceased his laughter. He couldn't help it; the humiliation of others always made him chuckle.

"No, ma'am." he replied.

"Good answer," Mrs. Romano said, "Now if everyone is done, there is an important project that I'll be assigning you."

The whole class groaned at the "exciting" news of yet another project.

"Glad to see you're all enthusiastic about it. Now, I assume that you're all planning on being parents one day?"

Silence.

That's what the whole class responded with. A couple students even had nervous looks on their faces. The silent fear spread throughout the room as if it were some contagious plague. They all knew where this was going…

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." The teacher said as she pulled a brown paper bag out from under her desk and placed it on top. Once she did this, she reached in and pulled out…an egg?

A rather large egg, to be more precise. It had to be at least the half the size of a two-liter soda bottle.

"This is called an egg baby. It's designed to have all the characteristics of a real human baby: including laughing, crying, vomiting, urinating—"

Everyone once again broke out in their own stifled laughter.

Mrs. Romano took a deep sigh at the immaturity of her students.

"Perhaps it would be easier for you to understand if you saw this…"

She pulled out a remote and aimed it at the projector at the center of the ceiling of the classroom. On cue, it sent out its properties to display on the white screen in front of the class as the movie started.

Oh great. It was another one of those stupid, hokey films created by the dinosaurs of the school board in some futile attempt to connect with today's youth.

_"Howdy, kids! Wassup y'all?"_ a mascot in a giant smiling egg-suit clothed in a basketball jersey and decorated in "blingage" onscreen introduced.

Everybody groaned once again, this time at the degrading monstrosity that stood before them onscreen.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Terra moaned, head now buried in her hands.

After watching four hours of rap and hip-hop music videos the night before on a dare from Cyborg to see how long she could go without rock, this was the _last_ thing she wanted to see.

_"I'm Big Daddy Egg-meister! And I'm here to wise you all up about the newest, hippest, thing to ever happen, yo! Introducing, THE EGG BABY! Fo' shizzle!"_

In the back of the room, X was rifling through his backpack, desperately searching for something.

_"The new, hip, EGG BABY is just like a real baby! It cries, vomits, poops…"_

He found it! A ballpoint pen! The red-haired boy brought the merciful ticket out of this world to the broadside of his neck and prepared to lunge it through his flesh. When it comes to hokeyness, suicide is _everybody's_ friend.

_"…whizzes, uses your razor to shave its 'fun-zone'…"_

_That_ caught everyone's attention. X immediately stopped what he was doing to see if he had heard what he thought he had just heard. The uproarious laughter in the room confirmed his suspicions.

The cameraman stepped into the picture, whispering something into the egg man's ear. Or, where there should've been an ear anyways. The cameraman ran off the screen and resumed his job, leaving "Big Daddy" to writhe in his huge slip-up.

Static flashed onscreen for a second or two, and then the egg monster was back in view.

_"Uh…sorry about that, kiddies! Anyways, the super-hip EGG BABY will be assigned to all you young whipper-snappers in groups of two so you can take care of it just like real parents would! Isn't that off the heezy? Word. You will each have to take care of this little bundle of joy for one super-fly week without letting any harm come upon it. You can easily fail by dropping it on its head, running it over with your car, burying it alive, flushing it down the toilet, molest—"_

The cameraman ran back to the "gangsta"-wannabe and whispered something in his ear. Something about the code of conduct on a "G" rated film. The egg man clearly didn't like this.

_"Listen up, you piece of _(beep)_, I'm having a very hard time with my life, and I don't need no _(beep)_ from mother-_(beep)_ers like you to go and _(beep)_ me off! So why don't you just go to _(beep)_ and _(beep)_ yourself!"_

Proving its strong need for therapy, the egg man began strangling the unfortunate cameraman standing beside him. Gagging noises confirmed his life's ending.

_"And I got something for you_ (beep)-(beep) _mother-_(beep)_ers! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FIREND!!!"_

At that instant, the camera showed the egg monster wielding an AK-47 in his hands and he began firing wildly at everybody else on-set.

The horrified students all stared at the screen in shock as the reflected flashing of machine-gun fire illuminated the room. A few cries of bloody murder later, the words "Please Stand By" covered the screen. And with that, the film ended, leaving everyone with a sense of dread and terror beyond which any of them had ever experienced.

"Is it safe to look?" asked one student, hands covering her eyes.

"Dude! I'm gonna hurl!" another student cried.

"That was just…oh God…"

One student had wretched out the lunch which he had consumed only two and a half hours ago.

Even Terra, though not as frightened as everybody else due to seeing more than her fair share of dead bodies in the past, had turned pale from the whole sick experience.

"Huh. And I thought for sure this was the edited version." Mrs. Romano casually stated.

"Well, you get the basic idea." The teacher spoke again, "I'll be assigning you all into groups of two—one boy and one girl—to take care of your egg baby for one week. This assignment is meant to test your parenting skills. If you fail, you can kiss passing this year goodbye. Now pay attention while I assign you your partners."

Everyone seemed to overcome the queasiness pretty quickly and waited expectantly to see to whom they would be assigned to work with.

Soon enough, Mrs. Romano began reading off names and the selected students left their seats became acquainted with each other. Some pairs were more enthusiastic than others. And then, finally, the last pair was called out.

"Tara Markov and Zeke Lancaster."

This was sure to be interesting, or so Terra thought. She and X had nearly every class together (on account that Terra was smart enough to take junior classes) but they never actually talked. All she knew about him were just the cruel rumors everybody told behind his back. He was a drinker. A smoker. An overall bad person. But this was an opportunity to see him for what he really was; to see the Zeke Lancaster beyond all those mean rumors…whatever that may be.

X, on the other hand, wasn't exactly all that thrilled about his assigned partner. But then again, he didn't really like _anybody_ that much. However, if she was an easy person to offend then this could actually be somewhat fun.

X, leaning lazily back in his seat against the back wall, saw looked past his mop of dark red hair partially covering his eyes and saw Markov approaching him, hands clasped behind her back. She seemed especially giddy to meet him.

Within seconds, like everybody else in the room was already doing, Terra stood by her "spouse's" desk.

"Hi, I'm Tara. My friends call me Terra." She said with a smile as she extended a hand to shake.

X wasn't sure what to make out of this at first; no one had ever been this nice to him. She would cease her optimistic feelings about him soon enough, though. Acknowledging her friendly gesture, X brought his hand to meet her own and introduced himself—except _without_ the smile

"I'm Zeke. You can call me X."

A few minutes had passed. Terra had tried to strike conversation a few times to break the silence between the two of them, unlike everybody else who seemed to be getting along fine with their partners, but X insisted on staying quiet. He was beginning to annoy her already; the mission was going well, and that alone gave him a reason to smile a little bit.

"Now that you're all acquainted, come up and get your little bundles of joy." Mrs. Romano instructed.

Everyone left their current positions with their partners to the head of the class to pick out their egg babies. X, hands shoved in his blue short pockets and posture slouched, just lagged behind Terra the whole way, not really giving a care as to what happened. She could pick out a _potato_ baby and he wouldn't care any less. Terra had made her way through the sea of uniformed students and looked into one of the paper bags to "adopt" a "child". She looked into it and saw eggs of many different colors. Green, pink, blue, etcetera.

Finally, she reached in and pulled out a plain white one. Holding it her arms like any mother would, she turned back to X to see what he thought of it. He simply shrugged, completely uncaring for the whole assignment.

Before both their eyes, the selected animatronic egg projected a little face of its own; two deep, young black eyes and an adorable baby-like smile. It was just like a little cartoon…one with a realistic, moving face.

"Like I said earlier," the teacher addressed her class, "It's just like a real baby. You need to feed it, bathe it, all that wonderful stuff."

"What do you think we should name him?" Terra asked her partner.

X's stomach growled. "How about 'lunch'?" he offered, a hungry look in his eyes.

Terra knew he would never do such a thing, but, maternal instincts taking over, she turned her back to him, keeping the unnamed egg baby out of reach.

"Why don't we name him 'Brion'?" Terra suggested.

"Why?" X asked, only half caring.

Terra simply shrugged, eyes fixated on the calm "baby" in her arms.

"It's my older brother's name. And I think it would make a great baby name."

X rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Ignoring him, Terra turned her attention to the baby, "So what do you think, 'Little Brion'? Do you like your name?" Terra asked her baby as she tickled its belly with her index finger.

'Little Brion' answered with a cute little baby laugh, facial features syncing perfectly with that of a real laughing baby.

Minutes later, the final bell of the day rang. And with the arrival of the weekend sounded, the student body poured out into the hallways like a flood, chatting amongst themselves of what they would do over the weekend with their new "children".

But X was apathetic towards the whole thing. The only thing on his mind was getting home. He stopped by his locker and stuffed the necessary books in his backpack and prepared to leave. But his plans for leaving were cut short when he turned around and saw his lovely "wife" standing right in front of him, still wearing that friendly smile. Or maybe it wasn't so friendly…perhaps she had caught onto his little game and decided to try and get on _his_ nerves too?

Nah.

…Did she?

"So who's going to take the first shift?" Terra asked, cradling the baby in her arms.

The mop head just strode right past her.

"I've got plans tonight." he replied curtly.

But Terra wasn't about to take no for an answer. She had learned a thing or two about annoying people into submission from Beast Boy. She followed her partner into the crowded halls and tried talking with him.

"Yeah, well so do I. So _you're_ taking first shift."

"Like hell I am." X said, never facing her.

"What are you, scared of a little baby?"

"I told you. I have plans tonight."

Terra took an extra long step in front of him, cutting him off, and stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Now you have _new_ plans." She said as she placed the baby into _his_ arms, never losing her smile at the knowledge that she was winning in their conquest over each other's patience.

It took him a moment to realize that the egg baby was no longer in her arms, but rather his, but he quickly shoved it back in her grip and continued his walk for the front exit.

"I'll race you. Loser takes first shift." Terra challenged.

X stopped his tread through the halls at the mentioning of the ludicrous gamble and turned to face her.

"Are you serious?" he responded, sounding rather cocky.

"What's wrong? Afraid you're going to get beaten by a girl?" she replied, rivaling his cocky attitude with one of her own.

X scoffed a laugh at Terra's comment. But if this was the only way to get her off his back…

"Alright, fine. Where to?"

Terra smiled at her personal victory; she had accomplished two things. One, she had drawn first blood in their little game to pester the other by making him crack under pressure. And two, she had learned something very important about him—something that would surely bring future victories to her; X was sensitive towards his physical abilities and wouldn't turn down a challenge in order to protect his title…especially from _her_. With these two things in mind, this victory and those surely to come were in the bag.

***

Moments later, X and Terra were standing in the front lawn of the grand school, backpacks and 'Little Brion' placed safely on a nearby bench. Shoes discarded, Terra and X stood side-by-side next to the large flagpole next to them as they laid down the rules for their race.

"First one to run around the school and touch the flagpole wins." Terra instructed.

"Sounds fair enough. Just no crying when I beat you, okay?" X responded.

Terra answered that comment with a competitive scoff. She knew for sure she would win.

"On your mark…" she started the countdown.

"…get set…" X continued it.

Little Brion giggled happily at the sight of his parents having their first fight.

"…GO!"

And not a moment too soon, X and Terra were off.

Sprinting as hard as their surprisingly durable bodies allowed them, they cleared the front lawn in only a matter of seconds. Now they were maneuvering through the outside lunch tables, and they leaped over and under them with skill that neither believed the other capable of possessing.

X was surprised at his opponent's physical abilities; on the outside, she seemed like some malnourished girl who couldn't so much as do a push-up.

But Terra was more than met the eye. Her whole life had been the tragic one of a refugee; always running, always fighting for survival. Though seemingly frail on the outside, she was tough as nails—if not _tougher_.

The same for surprise could be said for Terra though; X, given his slim body, didn't seem like he was capable of much, yet he too greatly surpassed her expectations.

Basically, they had underestimated each other and were very much surprised by the results.

The tables were long behind them, now they were making their way past the back of the cafeteria and jumping the garbage bins and dumpsters. Both of them seemed to be growing a little weary.

"What's wrong? Running out of breath already?" X taunted, a cocky smirk on his face.

"Not even close!" Terra countered, picking up her pace.

X, ahead by a nose, planted one foot on the top of a tin garbage can, thus launching himself in the air—a fancy aerial somersault performed just to show off—and over the dumpster.

Seeing through the sweat-beaded hair falling over her face, Terra managed to dodge the mess of garbage bins X had purposely left _just_ for her. Wasn't she special?

So X knew some tricks too, huh? Once they had nearly made it around the school and the flagpole was in view, Terra decided she would leave X a little gift of her own…

X could see the makeshift finish line only thirty yards away from him. The only thing pushing him to actually touch it was the fact that it would mean his partner would suffer the first day with that stupid egg.

The wet, dark red mop of hair interfering with his vision and his muscles over-working, X pushed himself just a little farther. He could almost—

Just as he thought he had victory in his grasp, a large puddle of mud that seemed to come out of nowhere appeared beneath his feet, causing him to slip and land flat on his back in the shallow, muddy pool. That damn geomancer.

To further his humiliation, said geomancer actually took the time to stop and rub it in his face.

"Aw, what's wrong X?" Terra gloated, leaning forward to look him the eye (which could've been a lot easier had it not been for their messy hair), "'Running out of breath already?'"

She would pay dearly for mocking him like this.

As Terra turned back to reach for the finish line, a cold piece of flesh with snake-like strength wrapped around her back leg and pulled her face-first into her own trap. Gasping from the surprise, she soon joined X in the large mud puddle.

It took her a second or two, but she finally lifted her head upwards, groaning from the humiliation. Preparing to pick herself up in a push-up-like position, X's hand firmly planted itself against the back of her skull and shoved her face back into the mud.

Leaning close to her, knees on either side of her torso, he whispered loudly into her ear with that signature confident tone of his "Not even close!"

Much to his surprise, Terra had weaseled her way out from under him with lightning speed and trapped him in a full-nelson, both of them still on their knees. X took this all seriously, but Terra seemed to be awfully playful.

"What the—? How did you—?" was all he managed to say before she pressed her whole body forward to make them fall forward. X landed face-first into the mud. An easy task considering the manipulative position she had him in.

And to express the wondrous joys of humiliating her partner, she let out a cry of laughter. This was just too much fun for her. As for X, this was the most degrading thing in the world.

With her whole body weight pressed directly against him—as measly as it was—getting up wasn't that easy a task. Yet his pride somehow managed to enable him to turn himself over on _his_ back, causing Terra, in turn, to be crushed by his weight.

Oh great. She was on the bottom again. And her back was now sinking further in the mud.

X quickly repositioned himself and pinned down her arms on either side with both his hands against them and kept her steady by sitting on her, knees on parallel sides of her ribcage.

Ordinarily, this would be a victory and a personal celebration would be called for, but she had humiliated him one time too many. This was personal now.

Anger causing him to stoop down to her immature level, he mustered up all the saliva occupying his mouth to create a giant loogie dangling right above Terra's face. He would never be caught dead doing something like this, but this was an exception.

Terra squealed as the wad of spit drew nearer and nearer to her face. Desperate to keep it away, she squinted her eyes shut and pressed her head deeper into the mud.

A wave of mud suddenly flew out of nowhere and splashed itself right in his face, knocking him off of her, courtesy of Terra's powers. Whatever four-lettered-word X was trying to shout was muffled and cut off by the mud stuffed in his mouth (his mouth was wide-open when it plastered him).

It may have been smothered all over his eyes and mouth but his ears remained mud-free, allowing him to hear the continuous baby-laughter of Little Brion on the nearby bench. He had actually forgotten about it in all this confusion. He had the right mind to broil that thing right now. Better, he would smash it, scramble it—

"I win!" called a familiar voice.

Struck by the realization that he had also forgotten about the race, X quickly wiped as much mud off his face as one sweep of his hand would and saw that Terra was standing proudly in front of him, one hand leaning against the flagpole.

"You know what that means?" Terra asked him, already knowing the answer.

When she was greeted with silence and a dead-serious face from the sore-loser, still sitting on his bottom in the mud, she decided to answer for him…in song!

Doing a victory dance she had learned from Beast Boy, Terra chanted in a sing-song voice, "You take first shift! You take first shift! I get to have fun, but you…"

Terra stopped her childish chanting when she saw X stand up and slowly approach her wearing the face of a hardened serial killer.

"Oh sh—!" she started, half-turning away in a desperate attempt to make a break for it, but the enraged maniac jumped her and pinned her shoulders to the ground before she could even take a step.

They were on the grass now, so the mud didn't get in the way this time…well, aside from the mud still on them, their fight remained clean for the most part…in at least _one_ of the definitions of the word.

One of them would pin the other to the ground, and then the other would roll over and do the same. And then the whole thing started all over again.

On the bench not too far away from them, Little Brion was having one of his cute little laughing fits at the sight of his parents rolling by and quarrelling so childishly. Actually, his mother seemed to be enjoying herself. It was his father who appeared to be mad beyond all reason.

The sound of her happy child and the fact that she was succeeding in humiliating X _egg_ing her on (bad pun -_-'), Terra continued the endless wrestling cycle that she and X were engaged in.

As of right now, it didn't matter who was on top or who was filthier, all that mattered was whose pride was hurt the most—and Terra was winning by far in that category.

Interrupting her personal victory was a strong, cold hand lifting her up from on top the boy by the back neck collar of her shirt, and the same fate soon befell X.

Both surprised and dangling in the air by an unknown force, Terra and X looked up to see who dared interrupt their tussle—and they were immediately filled with terror at the mere sight of that man. More so Terra, because she knew what evils he was capable of…

"You know, there's this new invention called a 'bed', have you heard of it?"

Dear God, _why_ did it have to be Cyborg?

Terra and X's dread quickly transitioned to embarrassment at the realization of what it looked like they were just doing. Terra just hoped that Beast Boy never found out about this…

* * *

Well that sure turned out longer than I thought it would. Sorry about that.

I'm still kinda new to actually writing fan fiction (this is only my second story), so some criticism would really help me out.


	2. Chapter 2

To those of you who waited for an update, I'm sorry I took so long, but school's kind've a handfull right now...as always. Now here's chapter two. I'm sorry if it sucks.**_

* * *

_**

**_Chapter Two_**

The ride back to Titans Tower was an awkward one. Well, for Terra anyways.

She was sitting beside Cyborg in the passenger seat of the T-Car, slinking down in the leather seat and keeping quiet as a poor attempt to hide herself from whatever form of teasing Cyborg would use on her.

She cleaned herself off before stepping foot in the car, but her uniform and hair were still a little messy. A twig here, a grass stain there.

That was a pretty awkward situation he had found her in with that X kid, and she knew that this was too good an opportunity for him to pass up. He was going to tell the others all about it and savor every moment of it as she would writhe in her agony and humiliation. And what would Beast Boy think if he found out? She was sure to find out first-hand soon enough.

To make matters worse, X had pulled a vanishing act and left Little Brion for Terra to care for by herself. Well, spending the day with her "son" probably wouldn't be so bad. Sure, she would probably smell like every bodily function a baby could possibly produce when the day was over, but it would be a fun ride. Or so she hoped.

Cyborg seemed especially happy. And why shouldn't he be? His joy meant her humiliation. And God was he going to be happy.

The half-robot cast a side-long, teasing smirk Terra's way just to rub it in.

Cradling her precious sleeping baby closer to her, she slinked down further in the seat, trying her hardest never to make eye-contact with him.

Cyborg decided to break the awkward silence with a little awkward conversation.

"So, Terra, anything interesting happen at school today?"

She knew what it was he was implying.

"Uh…we saw a movie today."

"Uh-huh. What about?" Cy played along, clearly enjoying watching her try and prolong the inevitable.

"Well…there was this guy in a giant egg suit trying to be gangster…"

"Was he doing a good job?"

"Not really, no…and then he got really mad and killed everyone on set."

"That sounds nice." Okay, Cyborg obviously wasn't listening. "So who was that kid you were messing around with?" he changed the subject, smirk still on his face.

Terra blushed a little.

"Oh, X? He's just my partner for a project. We're supposed to watch this egg together and—"

"So he's your _partner_?"

Alright, she should've seen that one coming.

"What?! No! We were just randomly picked to take care of this baby—"

"So he's just some random kid that you decided to "wrestle" and you have a baby with?" that annoying smirk was just getting bigger and bigger.

"Cyborg!" Terra whined, her cheeks growing a deep red from the embarrassment.

Cy couldn't help but laugh. Terra was like a little sister to him…and like any good big brother, his whole life (or at least a good portion of it) was dedicated to making her life a nervous wreck. But he looked over and saw how much she was suffering from all this, so—a new idea popping up in his head—he decided to try and cheer her up.

"Hey, you wanna freak the others out? I got a good idea for a prank!" he kindly offered.

Terra's face immediately lit up. If there was one thing that could cheer her up, it was a good-old-fashioned prank…and the looks on everyone's faces when it was over.

***

Minutes later, Cyborg and Terra arrived at the tower. They parked the T-car in the garage and snugly wrapped the sleeping egg baby in a blanket, covering all of him but his face (which really wasn't that much left to see).

Little Brion in Terra's arms, they made their way up the stairs and prepared to enter the main rec room, where the others were sure to be.

"Alright, just like we planned." Cy winked at her. This was going to be fun.

Terra put the baby behind her back and the three of them stepped foot inside. Robin and Starfire were at the bar eating sandwiches; Robin's was a simple one with ham, lettuce, and mustard, and Starfire's with…something…well, it looked like a greenish-pink worm-thing. It clearly wasn't silky because he was napping on the top of the couch.

Raven was off in a nearby corner reading one of her books.

Good, no sign of Beast Boy. Terra wasn't sure she was ready to break the news to him just yet. As for everybody else though…

"Attention, everyone!" Cyborg called, hands cupping over his mouth for emphasis. "Terra has a very important announcement to make!"

No one really cared that much. Robin and Star set down their meals and Raven just barely peeked over the top of her book a little. They may have not had their full attention yet, but after what the geomancer was about to say, they wouldn't sleep for a week.

"Terra, is there something you would like to tell the nice people?" the half-robot asked her, setting up the stage, so to speak.

Terra was trying really hard to contain her laughter. You could see it in her eyes. Finally, after she had mostly regained a stronghold on her suppressed joy, she made the announcement.

"Everyone…" she had to stop to bite her tongue, "…I have a son."

At the very misinterpretation of the news, Robin choked on his half-swallowed sandwich. Star came to his aide to help him cough it out. Raven seemed un-phased though.

Whilst the others (or two-thirds of them) were suffering from the shocking news, Terra and Cyborg released their held in laughter—Terra making sure to keep her hands behind her back in order to support Little Brion, who was still asleep, wrapped up in a blanket.

The only audible sounds leaving the large room were the uproarious laughter of the two joking Titans and their gagging leader.

With the help of an extra-hard slap on the back from Starfire, the now less-than-attractive sandwich flew out of the boy wonder's mouth and onto the floor.

"Nice." Raven sarcastically commented at the revolting sight, somehow maintaining her apathetic attitude.

Robin took a few deep breaths of the oxygen he had so dearly missed and spoke up:

"Terra, you're not serious…are you?"

The girl's smile was now uncontrollably growing.

"Nope, I mean it. I'm a mother now." she replied, presenting the wrapped-up baby to them. Holding back this much laughter was just impossible, but she managed to do it somehow.

Robin cautiously approached the baby, half-expecting it to be real, but when he got close enough, he could see what it really was. Starfire, rather anxious to see it, flew right in front of him and took a long stare at the so-called "baby". Her eager smile was soon replaced with puzzlement at the odd sight.

"Um…I wasn't aware that people on your world laid eggs." after seeing that horrifying _Miracle of Life_ video, she was positive that this wasn't what a baby should look like.

Terra and Cy couldn't help but laugh a little at the alien's innocent remark.

Robin shook his head and made a smile of his own. Once again taking up his self-assigned mission to help Star understand human culture, Robin spoke to her:

"We don't, Star, This is an egg baby."

Starfire raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Robin chuckled, "It's a project kids have to do in high school to test their parenting skills."

"So it isn't real?" she seemed to be getting the idea.

"Right. It's just a little robot programmed to act like one." To Terra: "I have to admit, that was a good one…don't do it again."

"Well, of course she's going to do it again," Cyborg defended, "BB still hasn't seen it!"

Beast Boy.

Terra's eyes popped open at the sudden realization of what might happen if he were to find out about what she did with X. In the all momentary fun she was having, she had actually forgotten.

"Uh…Cyborg?" Terra looked up to the half-robot standing beside her.

As a response to the worry in her voice, he looked down at her, re-growing his teasing smile.

"…You're not going to tell Beast Boy are you?"

"Whatever do you mean?" he replied. He knew what she meant; he just wanted to everyone else to hear it too. Evil, mechanized jerk.

The geomancer knew that he was trying to exploit her earlier actions to the rest of the team, and she had no intention of falling for the bait. Instead, she just nervously rolled her eyes around, hoping he would understand.

"What don't you want me to tell BB about, Terra?" Cyborg asked loud and clear, making sure everyone else could hear…and he succeeded.

When Terra noticed how the other three were mischievously looking at her, her blush grew and her tone immediately tensed.

"Nothing!" she tensed, hoping that this time, Cyborg would actually _listen_ to the hint, rather than just brush it off.

Robin stood before her, arms crossed and impishly smiling at her.

"Alright, Terra, what did you do?"

It's official. They all sucked.

"Nothing! I swear—"

"Let's just say I saw her _making_ the baby." Cyborg interrupted.

"You did not!" she poorly defended.

"And man, you should've seen her with that other guy," he continued, not paying her any attention at all, "They didn't even care they were still on school campus!"

"That is so not what happened!" Terra objected, to no avail.

"Who knows how far they would've gone if I hadn't gotten involved."

Robin and Starfire were trying their hardest not to laugh directly at Terra because they themselves had been teased by the tin man on more than one occasion, but at the same time, seeing her in such a pathetic way under these circumstances proved to be quite humorous.

Raven, on the other hand, didn't take part in the teasing. But despite her outer antisocial nature, she still loved them like a family…she just didn't always chose to show it. Instead, she simply returned to her reading.

They were sure to settle down soon enough, Terra hoped. Even if not, the sleeping baby in her arms was all the comfort she needed. But after a few seconds of gazing into its innocent, peaceful face, she remembered something important.

"Hey, has anyone seen Beast Boy?"

***

Downtown, in a small flower shop, the green boy himself was looking intently at a modest-sized bouquet of blue roses. He came here hoping to find red ones—Terra's favorite color—but they were out, much to his inconvenience. However, these blue ones seemed like they would do the trick.

"Looking for something in particular?" a girl's voice behind him asked.

Beast Boy almost jumped from the surprise. Turning around he saw a young brown-haired girl about his age, if not younger, wearing a red work apron with her nametag on it. She looked like a rather joyful person, full of life; a good choice for an employee here.

Regaining his composure, Beast Boy pointed to the modest bouquet.

"How much for that one?" he asked the girl.

Keeping her friendly smile, she looked past him and at his choice.

"I think that one usually costs about five-ninety-nine, but he have a twenty percent-off sale today."

"Okay, then, I'll take it."

After picking it up and setting it down at the clearance table, the girl scanned its bar code.

"That'll be four dollars and seventy-nine cents." She said, maintaining her friendly smile.

Four seventy-nine. He had that much…or so he thought.

Digging his hand in the side compartment on his pants, he began his daring journey to the lowest pits of his mighty pockets to retrieve to sacred money.

He wasn't wearing his Titan uniform today; since he went out and the weekend had begun, he decided to wear a tan zip-up hoodie over a red shirt and faded dark blue jeans. And since he liked them so much, he had picked out a black pair of gloves cut off at the fingertips and with small holes showing his knuckles. He was aware that the change of attire wasn't fooling anyone—the green skin, hair, and pointy ears were a dead give-away—but he just liked to wear his civvies every once in a while.

After twenty treacherous minutes of his daring expedition through the barren pockets, he had valiantly recovered three dollars, twenty-five cents, a ball of lint, a rubber band, half of a veggie dog, fake dog dookie, Robin's stolen toothbrush (used for purposes better left an enigma), and the fabled ring of Mordor. Drat, he was a dollar and twenty-nine cents short.

The girl had actually fallen asleep at the counter from the long wait and was even drooling a little.

"Umm…do you accept pocket lint?" he asked, desperate she would answer to his favor.

"Need some help?" a familiar voice behind him asked.

Turning around, he saw a fiery red-haired boy wearing an open green denim jacket, a white shirt underneath, and a blue pair of jeans, hands casually stuffed in the pockets.

"Oh, hey Wally." Beast Boy replied, "What're you doing here?"

"Looking for something Jinx would like."

"Really? What's the occasion?"

Wally just shrugged.

"Nothing special. I just figured I'd surprise her. What about you? It's not too often I'd see you in a store like this.

Beast Boy chuckled a little at the comment.

"It's me and Terra's six-month anniversary today, and I want to treat her to the best day of her life!"

Wally looked over his ally's shoulder and saw the flowers he had picked out.

"Nice choice. But you do know Terra's favorite color is red?"

Gar snorted at the obvious comment.

"Yeah, I know that! They were just out of red ones is all."

"Ah."

After seeing the selection, West saw the…peculiar form of currency in which his friend hoped to pay.

"Y'know, I don't think pocket lint is a valid currency in this country. Afghanistan maybe, but not in the US."

Instead of wasting energy on taking offense to that, Beast Boy let out an exhausted groan and slid down against the counter and onto the floor. How could he treat Terra to the best day of her life if he couldn't even afford some stupid flowers?

Right when all hope seemed lost, Wally pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and hovered two dollar bills in front of Beast Boy's face.

"Here you go."

Staring blankly at the money and unsure of what to think, Beast Boy simply replied:

"Umm…thanks, dude!"

He graciously accepted the money, and Wally didn't even ask for anything in return; he was just glad he could help. There's Kid Flash for ya.

***

Some time later, back at Titans Tower, Terra, changed out of her school uniform and back in her team one, was treating her little baby to a bubble bath in the sink. And boy, he sure seemed really happy about it. The bundle of joy just wouldn't stop giggling as his mother lathered him with the soap suds. Thank God the little egg was water-proof.

As for Terra herself, she had gotten a little wet from the constant splashing (which she still wondered about, how something with no limbs could splash, that is), but she was joyful nonetheless. Who wouldn't be the slightest bit cheery at the mere sight of Little Brion's bubbly face?

Raven, the only other person in the room, was sitting on the far side of the couch reading another one of her dark fantasy books, her hood off. She didn't mind the noise much; in fact, she was actually learning to enjoy it, rather than just tolerate it. After living three years in this tower, she would have to learn to like the others _eventually_. The same went for Terra and her "baby" over there, she just wasn't showing it.

Finished with his bath and wrapped up snugly in a towel, Little Brion was all wired-up and full of excitement in his loving mother's arms. Terra soon joined Raven on the couch, full attention on the baby. If he had any arms, he would be reaching up for her, asking to be played with some more, as it showed on his cute little face.

Fulfilling his request, Terra brought a hand over his stomach and began feathering it lightly. Little Brion, squealing with joy and attempting to squirm from being tickled, was having the time of his young life. And as if she read his mind, his mother brought her mouth to his tummy and blew raspberry on it. Alright, now he was happy beyond all reason.

Terra was enjoying herself too, but then she caught Raven raising an eyebrow out of the corner of her eye.

"Getting carried away much?" Raven asked her sarcastically.

Refusing to lose the joy her baby had brought upon her, Terra simply replied,

"No, I think I'm going to get carried away some more." And with that, she returned to playing with her son.

Entering in the back of the room through the door was Beast Boy, bouquet of flowers poorly hidden behind his back. After only a second of scanning the room, he saw the back of Terra's blonde head from over the couch.

Perfect. He'd hand her the flowers, wish her a happy anniversary, and then they would…oh great, Raven was there too. There went _that_ plan.

Well, Raven wasn't the type to harass them about PDA, so he didn't have much to worry about.

Sneaking quietly across the room, Beast Boy made his way to Terra's location without anyone even noticing. And right when she least suspected it, he quickly pecked her on the cheek. Stunned from the surprise, Terra looked up to see Beast Boy standing beside her, a flirting grin on his face.

"Hey, Terra! Happy anniversary!" he exclaimed as he pulled the flowers out from behind his back and gave them to her.

Her attention shifting from the baby to the flowers presented before her, her eyes widened and another large smile spread across her face as she graciously accepted them.

"Aww, thanks so much Beast Boy—" and that's when it hit her. It was their anniversary.

Oh crap! She had completely forgotten, what with the baby and all.

Scratching the back of his head and unaware of his girlfriend's worry, he replied,

"Yeah, they were all out of red ones. I hope you don't mind." and then he saw the wrapped up egg baby resting in her lap…sort've a large egg. It was about the size of his shoe.

"So, what kind of new toy is that?"

"Huh? Oh, you mean Little Brion!"

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow from the confusion.

"Your brother got turned into an egg?"

Terra laughed a little at his ignorance.

"No, we have this project at school where we're supposed to take care of an egg baby for a week to see if we can be good parents."

"And you name him after your brother?"

"Yup."

Then she remembered the difficult choice she had to make. She could either tell Beast Boy about what happened with her and X or let Cyborg explain it to him through puppet show or interpretive dance or whatever new form of teasing he had recently invented…yeah, she was going to do it herself.

"Uh, Beast Boy?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll probably want to hear this from me first, but I was partnered with some other guy to take care of the baby and…"

She was growing tense, nervous. This couldn't be good.

"…We sort've…well…"

As if Satan himself had read her mind, the mechanical demon barged loudly through the door.

"Hey, Beast Boy! You won't believe what I caught Terra doing with some other guy!"

The geomancer's pupils instantly shrank from the untold horrors that were about to be released upon her.

"WHAT?! NO, CYBORG, YOU CAN'T BE HERE!!! GO AWAY!!!" she desperately pleaded.

But still Beelzebub trod nearer and nearer to the green boy, ignoring the blonde's pleas.

"Man, she and that guy were all over each other! Right on school grounds too!"

"LIAR!!! LIARS GO TO HELL!!!" she tried again to discredit him.

"Did I mention they were covered in mud?"

She was losing the battle here. In one final, desperate move, she set down the flowers and baby, shoved a couch cushion in Cyborg's mouth, and pushed him out the door, all in an anime-like style. Locking the door, Terra leaned tiredly against it and let out an exhausted sigh of relief that he was gone.

She looked up and saw Beast Boy still standing beside the couch, a cartoon-y saddened look on his face; Bambi eyes, endless wavy tears, some dripping mucus, the works.

"T—Terra…? W—what _did_ you do with that other guy?"

Nervousness overcoming her again, she tried to defend herself from Cyborg's wild yet partially accurate claims.

"Okay, Beast Boy, before you jump to any conclusions…"

Raven, sitting unnoticed on the couch, decided that she could use a little entertainment. It wasn't a very Raven-like thing to do, but it would be a crime to let an opportunity like this slip away. A small mischievous grin spreading over her pale face, she used her telekinetic powers to activate the door panel, thus sliding it open, causing Terra to fall back from lack of a supportive object to lean against, and Cyborg stood before them all in the doorway, sofa cushion still in his mouth. He quickly finished chewing and then swallowed it down his throat before burping and wiping his mouth.

"As I was saying…THEY WERE ALL OVER EACH OTHER! I MEAN—"

Terra quickly sat up and hurriedly closed the door on Cyborg again, a thin strand of hair popping up from the stress as she inhaled exasperatingly.

Regaining her calm, she noticed and saw Beast Boy was still the same…so she decided to change the subject.

"So what did you have in mind for us to do tonight?" she asked him, hoping it would make him forget whatever crazy theory he had developed about her and X.

And it did a little bit. The tears, Bambi eyes, and mucus were gone, but there was still a hint of heartbrokenness in his voice.

"I was kinda hoping we could go out on the town and see what we'd do from there."

"Sounds great! I'll just have to hire a sitter."

Terra rose to her feet as her first potential babysitter came to mind.

"Hey, Raven!" she called.

"No." the telepath responded.

"Please—"

"No."

This was going to be harder than she had hoped. But there were still three other people in this tower she could ask.

***

Minutes later, she was inside the workout room with Robin asking him to see if he was up to the job.

He shrugged, "Sure, why not?"

But just after agreeing, horrible, _horrible_ memories came flooding into his head from back when he was in high school and had to watch an egg baby. Batman made him clean the toilets for a week!

"Uh…on second thought, that's probably not such a good idea." he responded.

***

So Robin couldn't do it. Oh well. Starfire would surely say yes.

Terra was standing in Starfire's room, Little Brion in her arms, as she asked to see if she could watch over him for a little while.

Star's eyes lit up from the offer, "Of course I would! Silkie would just love a playmate, wouldn't you, Silkie…?"

To both of their horror, the hungry mutant silk worm was trying to swallow Little Brion whole! The baby, ignorant of his dilemma, was laughing his head off.

***

Well that was a near-fatal incident right there. Time to ask the last person in this tower she would ask a favor like this of…

Down in the subbasement, Terra was checking to see if Cyborg could help her out. Little Brion was safely set down on a tool bench as Cyborg was trying to repair a generator.

"Sure, I don't see why not. But you owe me for this."

She would face the teasing later. Right now she just needed a sitter.

"Thanks, Cyborg!"

"Sure thing. And don't worry; your kid is safe with me."

Cy reached over to the tool bench blindly looking for a large battery. Instead, he grabbed the egg baby. Not paying attention to what he was doing, he prepared to weld him into a gap between two thick high voltage wires!

Maternal senses tingling, Terra gasped and saved her baby from yet another devastating fate.

Couldn't she rely on _anyone_ in this tower?!

***

High up in the cloudy haven of Thunder and Lightning's base, Terra was asking the two elemental brothers for help. The response was less than enthusiastic.

"Let me get this straight: _you_ want _I_, Lightning, to watch over this…egg?" the slim, yellow brother asked.

"Yes." Terra replied.

Lightning grabbed the baby into his hands and took a long look at it.

"Do you think we could have fun with it, brother?" Thunder asked him.

"I dunno. But I bet he'd make one good omelet!" his Lightning replied.

Fear flooding throughout her system, Terra quickly snatched the baby back into her own arms.

"Uh, that's okay. I'll find someone else to do it."

***

On the eastern coast in the concrete jungle of Steel City, at the front entrance of Titans East Tower, Terra stood outside, greeted by Speedy, who just stared at her blankly as if she were some sort of idiot. Of course he wouldn't waste his time watching some stupid egg!

"No." he curtly answered.

And then, to support his deny to the girl's idiotic request, he just slammed the door in her face.

***

Paris, France. Home to a grand ice menagerie full of the worst criminals Jump City had ever known. Terra must've been desperate if she came _here_ for help. Over at one particular frozen exhibit stood the geomancer and her baby. In front of them was a villain frozen from the neck down (Terra had melted the head free so he could talk to him).

"So what do you say?" she hopefully asked the villain.

Okay, I don't know what she was thinking when she asked _this_ person for help. She soon found out the error of her ways when she received an answer.

"You want me to watch your stupid cruddy baby?! Forget it, pit-sniffer!"

Terra, now annoyed and running out of patience, just pressed a button on the control panel beside her and walked away.

"No wait! CRUD!!!" was all Gizmo could get out before his head was refrozen.

This whole search was just hopeless. There was no way she would find a baby sitter in time for her and Beast Boy's date. But there was one more person on her list—he wouldn't comply, but she would get him to do it anyway.

***

Back at the tower, in Raven's room, the telepath was trying her hardest to meditate…which was harder than ever because Beast Boy was in there too and just wouldn't shut up.

"How could she do this to me?! I mean, _why_ would she do what I suspect she did with someone _else_?! AND NOW THEY'RE RAISING A _BABY_ TOGETHER?!?! What is this world coming to?!"

It's funny how he actually thought Raven was listening.

Still he paced back and forth, hands flailing and yanking out his hair for emphasis. This endless ranting was starting to really annoy her…he actually got some saliva on her! Finally, she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Beast Boy." she tried to get his attention.

"AND SHE FORGOT OUR ANIVERSARY BECAUSE OF THAT GUY!?! WHEN WILL IT ALL END!?!"

Okay, now she had a brain tumor.

"Beast Boy!!!" she yelled, fire almost flaring out of her eyes and mouth.

Good. She had his attention now. Time to finally get him to shut up.

"One, it's not a real baby. Two, they weren't doing it; they were wrestling. And three, you're getting spit all over my books."

"Pssh. It's not like they're complaining." Beast Boy came back, jabbing a thumb past his shoulder at the book shelf.

Contradicting his claim, the magic book holding the dread dragon Malchior prisoner opened itself up and a paper fist arose, erecting a sole middle finger at the changeling behind his back.

Rubbing her temples to stay calm, Raven spoke again.

"My point is that Terra hasn't been cheating on you. There is no need for you to be spazzing out about this."

She was right. Beast Boy had come to know Raven as a big sister of sorts. A rather creepy big sister, but family nonetheless.

Beast Boy smiled, "Thanks, Raven."

"Don't mention it" she kindly replied, returning to her meditative state.

Barging the door open was Satan's favorite pupil himself, Cyborg, holding felt puppets of Terra and that other kid on either of his hands.

"Hey, BB, I got the puppets! Wanna see what they were doing?!"

At the mere resurrection of the horrid subject, Beast Boy fell to his knees, pulled at his pointed ears, and let out an overdramatic shriek of terror that rang throughout the room.

Raven was now annoyed again.

"Oh for crying out loud." She moaned into her hands.

"Don't encourage him!" she harshly scolded Cyborg.

***

In a small, rundown suburban home, X was in the living room of his meager home finishing up a workout routine, a discarded ashtray on the coffee table beside him. He never smoked; it was his dad's. That guy was always smoking and drinking. X, on the other hand, didn't want anything to do with that crap. He saw what horrible things it did to his father; he used to be the kindest guy around, but ever since the rest of their family passed away, he had become an abusive, antagonistic figure, courtesy of the butts and beer.

In fact, his father didn't even pay the bills anymore, not since he lost his job. Now, while his dad was out of town partying with his friends, X was left with the burden of all the responsibility. He paid the bills, did the dishes, did his absolute best to keep the place from being too much a pigsty (save for his room), in fact, he even had a job—which he would need to be leaving for in a couple of minutes. His current employer had a special task for him, and if he succeeded, he would have just enough money to get out of the debt he and his dad had been in for so long.

Wearing only the black tank top and cargo shorts, he was actually proven to be a well built person. Slim in stature, but tough nonetheless.

His mop of dark red hair falling around his face, he finished up his pushup set. Best to be warmed up and awake for work.

"…98…99…100." he stopped to catch his breath and dry off his sweat-beaded face with the rag beside him.

The clock read 7:45. He needed to leave soon.

Interrupting his train of thought was a ring of the doorbell at the front door. Who would possibly bother to come here? His dad was out of town, so who else had any business here?

Giving into his curiosity, he opened the front door to see who it was. He immediately regretted it.

"Terra? How did you find out where I—?"

Not paying any mind to the fact that X was already talking, Terra began piling all sorts of baby junk into his arms.

"Glad you could help out. Listen, I'm going out tonight, so I need you to watch the baby. Here's his favorite toy, teething ring, a list of his favorite foods, his bottle of milk, his doctor's number, and his stuffed bear. His favorite book is _Goodnight Moon_, and he likes to watch _Barney_ and _Teletubbies_. His bedtime is 8:30 and his favorite lullaby is "Itsy Bitsy Spider". And here's my number if you have any questions."

She had "Little Brion", as she called him, for only a few hours and she already knew everything there was to know about him? For all he knew, she might've even gotten him life insurance or a social security number too.

Barely seeing over the mountains of junk Terra had dumped on him, X managed to mutter out the words:

"I'm going to kill you."

Even still, she remained cheery—much to his enragement—and turned to their baby, who was safely secured in a stroller.

"Remember, Brion, if you have any trouble, remember to call 911." she cooed to her child.

And with that, Terra left X and the egg baby there in each other's company.

Accepting his defeat, X allowed an exasperated sigh and then turned his head over to his bubbly "son".

"Well, kiddo, it looks like you're going to work with me."

* * *

I hope this chapter lived up to the previous one. Please review, some criticism would really help me out.

On a side note: **I am placing a bounty on an evil Sick Bug who goes by the alias of "Hacky". There will be a substantial reward for the one who eliminates him (okay, there's no reward, but kill him anyways!).**

In other words, get well soon, Tianimalz! =D


	3. Chapter 3

First off, I'M SORRY THIS UPDATE TOOK SO LONG! I'M SO SO SO SO SORRY!!! What's more, I'm even sorrier about the ridiculously long length of it! I promise to try my hardest to make shorter chapters! And just to reassure you all, I'm not about to give up on this story any time soon! Updates may be painfully slow, but I've put way too much thought in this to give up.

Oh yeah (I can't believe I keep forgetting to mention this _ I feel so stupid), but to anyone who's wondering, yes Terra and X are doing the same egg baby project that Terry did in Batman Beyond.****

**_Chapter Three_**

Terra had been informed through her T-com what she and Beast Boy would be doing for their anniversary celebration, and she just couldn't wait. Robin would undoubtedly make them do ten laps around the tower or extra training exercises, but it would be worth it. There was _nothing_ not worth _this_.

Full of excitement and adrenaline pulsing through her body at speeds unimaginable, Terra made her way over to the selected checkpoint where she would meet Beast Boy. And sure enough, there the green changeling was, standing just as excitedly outside Robin's bedroom door.

"Are you ready?" he asked her, doing a poor job hiding his giddiness.

"We are so going to get in trouble for this." she replied, equally nervous.

"It'll be worth it." He assured her.

Beast Boy cautiously creaked the door open, making absolutely sure that no one else was around—and when he was positive they wouldn't get caught, he stepped foot inside their leader's forbidden domain. Terra followed closely behind, taking the same precautions as he.

"Oh man, I'm gonna pee myself!" Beast Boy whispered loudly. But who wouldn't?

Terra couldn't help but quietly snicker at the comment. She was feeling the same way, after all.

Finally, they made their way to the boy wonder's closet. Beast Boy prepared to slide it open with his hands, but stopped to turn his head to Terra.

"Now, Terra," he cautioned, trying to be dramatic about it, "once we open this door, there's no turning back. Are you positive you want to do this?"

She crossed her arms and smiled, giving him a mock-"are you stupid? Of course I want to do this!" sort of look.

"Yes, I'm positive! Just open the door!"

"Alright, but whatever we may experience on the other side, just know that I'll always love you." He replied, maintaining his dramatic tone.

His ears receiving the joyful sound of Terra quietly giggling behind him, the changeling slowly slid the closet door open. And hark! Before them awaited a golden opportunity; a shining gift from Heaven itself. With its bright light flowing from the closet and shining upon them, the two gave the other silent looks that screamed "Dude! This is so friggin' cool!"

Whatever slight worry they had at first had been completely erased by overexcitement as they stared into _THE LIGHT_…or the contents of Robin's closet anyways.

***

Minutes later, a speeding R-cycle made its way through the city streets. Not one, but two "Robins" were riding on the vehicle, having the time of their lives as they sped through nighttime Jump City; the only lights illuminating it were that of the streetlights and the R-cycle itself.

The imposters—one green-skinned and the other blonde-haired—expressed their proclamations of joy in the form of loud, earsplitting cheering that rang all throughout the sleeping city.

The real Robin was going to kill them when he found out what the two of them did. Oh well. It'd be worth it.

***

On a nearby rooftop, a solitary figure overlooked the sleeping metropolis, a brown backpack resting over his shoulders. Hands resting against the four-foot tall safety wall surrounding the edge of the rooftop, the silhouette took a moment to admire the grand city before him.

The moon was full tonight. Good. He liked the moon. He couldn't explain it, but somehow, it just made him so full of life; made him feel like he could do the impossible. Maybe that's because when he was little, back when he and his family had nothing and lived on the streets, his parents would always tell him how man had set foot on the moon. And if he too put his mind to it, he could overcome any obstacle that would oppose him and set foot on that very same moon, and look down upon all those who told him he would get nowhere in life.

Red-X decided to take another minute to cherish his life. When the moon was out and he wore this suit, he was free; liberated from the spirit-crushing reality that was the life of Zeke Lancaster. Underneath this mask, his abusive father didn't exist. Those harassing calls from the IRS weren't real. His family wasn't dead—as if they had even existed in the first place. Those hard memories as a street rat never happened. That pathetic excuse for a human that was Zeke Lancaster was dead. Behind the isolated haven that was Red-X, he was free—truly free—from the gray encroachments of his life and could do whatever he wanted. He loved this freedom. Red-X loved it when Zeke was dead.

Alright, enough of the crap. He had a very important job to do and this reminiscence wasn't getting him anywhere.

He shifted his gaze over to the nearby pier, where a large freighter was coming in from Cuba. It weighed anchor and the smugglers were all busy unloading the heavy crates full of either weapons or stolen artifacts. No one would see him…so long as his sleeping "son" in the backpack didn't wake up and cry up a storm.

Red-X leaped off the rooftop and, using some of his fancy acrobatic techniques, safely landed quietly behind a tall stack of wooden crates. He peaked his head out to make sure no one had spotted him. Good. He was in the clear. Taking advantage of this opportunity, he stealthily made his way past all the smugglers and into the ship through one of its windows.

It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for—when you had a bird's eye view from high up in the rafters, you could see just about anything.

There, in the middle of the stacks of wooden crates, was his prize, an ancient golden scarab freshly stolen from Cuba. Truth be told, X didn't really care about its history or how its current owners came to possession of it, he only cared about how he was going to steal it and how much he would be paid for it.

Creeping along the shadows with the pale moonlight shining in from the windows, Red-X detached a grappling hook from his belt and securely fastened it around the rafter he was crouched on. He then double checked his backpack to make sure Little Bri—er, _the egg_ was still asleep. Alright, it was still sleeping and showed no signs of waking up. With that, he zipped it shut again so it wouldn't fall out, wrapped one end of the grappling hook around his left fist, and descended to his selected destination—a near-perfect imitation of Spider-Man.

All the smugglers were either outside unloading the contents of the wooden boxes or in the main quarters of the ship drowning themselves in champagne, so he didn't have much to worry about. Still, he wanted to make sure he did this right.

He was now only inches away from the treasured scarab. Extending his right arm, he managed to reach it and brought it up to eye-level.

"Got ya." Red-X triumphantly whispered.

While partaking in his brief victory, a sudden shrill cry rang through the air, piercing his ears. Panicked, he the scarab slipped out of his grasp and onto the floor. That he could care less about; the current problem was the locating source of the crying. That didn't take him very long.

Still suspended upside-down, he slung the backpack off his shoulders and checked inside. Yep. His idiotic "son" had woken up and was crying like the baby it was programmed to be.

"Shut up!" he harshly whispered at the egg, but to no avail.

The sonic waves of the crying rang all throughout the ship and even outside at the docks. Within what seemed like a second, X, still suspended upside-down holding onto the grappling hook with one hand and the occupied backpack with the other, found himself surrounded by dozens of unsightly thugs and their 30 caliber friends—and none of them looked very happy, to say the least.

Eyes wide open, he took a moment to familiarize himself with his surroundings and then looked down at his still crying son.

"Ugh! Do you see what you do?!" he moaned, clear hints of annoyance in his tone.

The smugglers opened fire upon him, but, acting solely on instinct, Red-X released his grip on the grappling hook and teleported back up into the rafters just before hitting the ground.

It didn't take the thugs long to figure out his whereabouts as one of them pointed to the silhouette hidden in the shadows.

The army of metal ticks continued their loud march at their elusive target as Red-X's silhouette swiftly evaded each one with its impressive finesse—a shadow's dance among the rafters. Deciding to sneak in a blow, Red-X tossed a small, metallic disc from his belt and into the middle of the fray. Instantly, four crimson red elastic beams shot from the disc, each in different directions to resemble an "X" figure, and each impenetrable beam stuck to the torsos of four thugs (kinda like one of them sticky hands, except much stickier…and without the hands) and once each end had a victim, the disc violently retracted the elastic beams, taking the thugs with them and ultimately causing them to crash head-first into another.

This impressive performance distracted the other smugglers for a moment, but they reopened fire upon the thief.

Thinking quickly, X back-flipped from one rafter to another, tossing a swarm of electric x-shaped shurikens into some of the thugs' guns, instantly electrocuting them and rendering them unconscious. Ah, the magic of xenothium. Ya gotta love it.

As he safely landed on the parallel support beam, X noticed something—the crying baby, IT WASN'T IN HIS BACKPACK ANYMORE!!! In all the confusion, he must've forgotten to reseal his backpack!

Eyes once again popping open at the horrific discovery, he frantically scanned the area for that stupid egg—and there it was, rapidly falling (and crying) towards the floor below.

Not even thinking, he used his legs to catapult himself off the support beam, and he caught Little Bri—er, that stupid egg—only moments before it could hit the ground, and he landed rolling from his shoulder and onto a crouched position with one knee planted on the ground.

They were on the floor now, the scared egg safely secured in his father's arms with his long black cape surrounding them both.

Red-X gazed at his son, relieved he was alright, when he quickly glanced back upward and saw one of the smugglers aiming a massive bazooka right at him!!!

Survival instincts once again taking over, he dropped himself lower to the ground in the blink of an eye, all the while protectively holding his son close to him, and just barely evaded the roaring missile as it flew mere inches above his head and caused a brilliant explosion from the explosive crates it collided with behind him. Smoke and debris flew overhead, but the egg was safe, and that's all that mattered for the moment.

With the makeshift smokescreen making it impossible for the remaining thugs to have a visible target, Red-X teleported he and his son back into the rafters high above for a moment's recuperation.

He was relieved his whiny little son was alright, but it was really starting to annoy him beyond all reason. Wait a second—_why_ was he referring to that thing as his _son_? Dang it, this thing wasn't even real! It's just some stupid project that he was assigned to work on with the biggest pain in the butt to ever roam the earth…and furthermore, why was he still cradling it in his arms?!

"You know, I _really_ wish you would shut up." he spoke once again to the egg, but the skull mask along with the threatening filtered voice only made things worse.

Sighing, he reached over his head and prepared to drop the little egg back into the backpack…but not before it could blow chunks all over his cape!

X's eyes re-grew to the size of dinner plates as he heard the sickening sound of vomit from the crying object behind his back.

"What the—AW, NOT ALL OVER THE CAPE!!!" he complained once again. Did that stupid egg even know how hard it was to get this suit? Furthermore, did it know that it was powered by xenothium, an element even more dangerous than nuclear energy?! You do NOT regurgitate all over an illegal, stolen suit!

But his complaint had given away his position; below him, Red-X could hear the thugs scrambling beneath him, preparing to reopen fire.

"There he is! Up in the rafters! Shoot him!" went the unintelligible cry of one of the very angry men.

Red-X didn't think it possible for his eyes to grow more than they already had, but one good look down the long barrel of the reloaded bazooka aimed right at him and they could barely even fit on the mask anymore.

The egg still cradled in his arms, parent and child dove off of the rafters, the large explosion from the rocket destroying the support beam they had been on only moments ago.

Safely landing on the ground with all that machinegun fire flying everywhere would've been impossible for any normal human, but somehow Red-X managed to do it. Finding a nearby wooden crate, he placed the egg baby on it in order for him to regain full use of his hands. Without that darned piece of machinery to hold him back, he now evened the odds.

A thug was foolish enough to attempt to take down X using an overhead swing with nothing but a crowbar. Unlucky for him, a large red four-edged blade erected from the top of Red-X's right hand and caught the crowbar in mid-swing. From there, X dropped to the floor again and performed a low sweep-kick at the criminal's legs, knocking him off his feet and face-first onto the unforgiving ground.

No more than twenty feet behind him, another thug wielding a machine gun opened fire at the thief once again, but Red-X quickly outstretched his left palm and a strong concentrated laser beam fired from the "X" imprinted on the palm of his glove. The laser effortlessly evaporated the bullets before they could reach X and blasted the smuggler squarely in the chest, sending him flying into a wall of stacked crates behind him and causing the wooden mountain to collapse on the thug and all those nearby him.

"Where is the one responsible for this?!" and angry, Latin-tinted voice angrily called out.

X quickly turned back around to see a tall man with a clean, bald head, a scar beneath his right eye, and a hook replacing his left hand

Enrique El Gancho. The crook behind this smuggling operation.

El Gancho took one good look at the costumed thief who dared interfere with his business, but only raised an eyebrow at his rather odd appearance. Oh great. _Another_ costumed vigilante had come to mess with him.

"So, it seems I will never be free of you masked heroes meddling in my work. And just who are you supposed to be?"

Red-X should have had a high criminal profile; one even higher than Deadshot the assassin or the terrorist Slade. But the government wanted to keep the existence of xenothium a secret to the public, on account of its extremely dangerous capabilities. And giving Red-X a high profile would only compromise the safety of the public. If that xenothium were to be discovered and fall into the wrong hands and be converted it into some kind of weapon, the results would be catastrophic beyond anything history had ever seen. There were only a select few crime syndicates that had come to know him over the past year and a half he'd been active, and even they hardly knew anything about him. But Red-X really couldn't care less whether he stayed an enigma or not.

Answering El Gancho's question, Red-X replied,

"In a hurry. Listen, smiley, I'd love to stick around and play a little longer…"

X took a step forward and reached into a pile of destroyed crates, picking up the golden scarab which he'd dropped earlier, and held it up before him for all to see.

"…but I'm only here for this thing. And besides, the missus is out tonight, and if she finds out I took junior to work with me, trust me, it won't be pretty. I've only seen her _happy_ and she already bugs the hell out of me!"

El Gancho raised an eyebrow in confusion of the thief's explanation.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a job I need to finish." he concluded while putting the artifact safely away in a pouch on his belt.

X turned back around to pick up the egg when he heard the synchronized clicking of approximately a dozen 30 caliber machineguns right behind him. He looked past his shoulder, and sure enough he found himself gazing down the dark, fully loaded gun barrels right behind him.

He knew just how to get out of these kinds of situations—he always does—but this escape route was one he never saw coming.

Right when El Gancho was about to give the order to blow the thief into the next life, the chorus to Green Day's "St. Jimmy" suddenly rang loudly throughout the room. It took a moment for Red-X to realize that it was his cell phone ringing, and not a local concert. Darn.

Making sure to keep his eyes on the men surrounding him, he cautiously reached into a side pocket on his backpack (which was still on his back) and slowly pulled out the phone. Once he was certain that they would wait for him to take the call, he switched his gaze over to the caller ID bar. Funny. He'd never seen _this_ number before.

After a moment of battling himself over his next course of action, Red-X pulled the mask up to the bridge of his nose so that the voice-filtering system wouldn't interfere with his call. And besides, whoever this was wanted to talk to Zeke Lancaster, not James Earl Jones.

Flipping the phone open with the same hand he was holding it with, he held the phone against his ear and naked mouth and spoke into it.

"Uh…hello?"

He'd soon wished he'd never opened it up in the first place.

"Hi, X!"

Dear God, not _her_!

On the other line, there was Terra, still wearing Robin's stolen uniform and using her T-com to call her partner.

"Terra?! How did you get my—"

"I'm just calling in to see how Little Brion's doing. So, have you two bonded yet?"

X took an exasperated sigh. Oh great, now she wanted him to _bond_ with this stupid egg too?

"No, Terra, I have not "bonded" with this stupid thing because, unlike you, I am not a freak."

"C'mon, X, I know you've been spending some father-son quality time with him. So, what've you guys done?"

She wanted to hear about "father-son quality time"? Well, then she would get it!

"Um, let's see…we rented a porno, I taught him every swear-word known to man, filled his milk bottle with some Bud-light, and we're going to a strip-club later tonight."

Silence on Terra's end confirmed that her jaw was gaping open at the horrific lie. It was fun doing this to her…well, until she finally regained the ability to speak, that is.

"YOU DID _WHAT_!?!?!?!" Terra frantically and furiously screamed into her T-com, which directed the sonic disturbance right into X's ear.

That hurt.

"I was KIDDING!!! Jeez, can't you take a joke? And, don't you say you can't, because I know you're going out with that green _joke_ of a Titan!"

Enrique El Gancho and his men all stared at the odd sight that played out before them. Two meta-human (or at least one of them was) teenagers were senselessly arguing over the phone about the stupidest things. It was really quite a thing to see. Whatever strong influence of fear Red-X had distilled over the smugglers was now gone, and could never be rebuilt in a million years.

Finally, the shouting seemed to quiet down, and Terra finally remembered why she'd called in the first place, but the anger from that comment about Beast Boy in her voice was still easily detected.

"Can I talk to the baby?"

Sighing from his "wife's" ridiculous request, Red-X mustered out his response,

"Fine", and held the phone beside the egg's ear…or where there _should've_ been an ear anyways.

"Hi, Little Brion! It's me—Mommy!" Terra excitedly greeted her child. She seemed to have this parent thing down pretty well. Perhaps a little TOO well.

The little baby instantly squealed with joy at the very sound of his loving mother's voice.

To X, who looked back over at the thugs that were stifling their laughter, this was just embarrassing. Possibly even more embarrassing than that wrestling match he and Terra had earlier today…no, nothing could beat that.

The little egg just kept on joyously laughing from the conversation he and his mother were having, but X just couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, God, this is so stupid." he moaned to himself

Finally, he just put the darned phone on speaker, set it beside the egg, pulled the mask back over his mouth, and turned back to the smugglers behind him.

"Now, where were we?" X asked them, clearly annoyed and ready to jump into a brawl.

And not a moment too soon, they had restarted their fight.

The roaring of bullets soared wildly, followed immediately by the loud, bone-crunching counterattacks from Red-X's fists or an explosion from one of his odd gadgets. On top of all that, some of the men were swearing up a storm from getting their rears handed to them so easily.

Terra could hear all the commotion on her end and quickly grew upset at the irresponsibility of her "spouse"—_what_ on earth could he possibly be doing to cause all that noise?

"X, what's all that noise?!" Terra shouted at him through the phone.

X was now at the bottom of a rather big dog pile and desperately trying to crawl his way out. The others on top of him heard his supposed wife on the other line (who _couldn't_ hear her?) and looked down at the unfortunate thief underneath them.

"Damn, man, I'd hate to be you right now." one of the thugs commented.

"Yeah, what'd you ever see in _her_?"

Oh great. Now he was getting sympathy from the low-lives he was supposed to be beating into a pulp—could this night get any worse?

Finally, Red-X managed to crawl half-way out of the dog pile (everything from the waist down was still buried) and he brought a hand up to his mask to raise it up to the bridge of his nose so he could speak.

"I HAVE THE FRIGGING TV ON!!!" his natural voice screamed back from all the frustration and humiliation he was facing.

"Well, turn it down! And would it kill you to be a little happy?!"

"WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GO TO—"

Before he could finish, one of the thugs on top of him whacked him upside the back of his head.

"Sheesh man! Language!" the thug scolded.

"Yeah, man, is that any way to talk to your _wife_?"

"SHE'S _NOT_ MY _WIFE_!!!" X furiously screamed back at them.

"Knocked her up before the altar, eh? Not the smartest move in the world."

"Yeah, man, you're a really bad father."

Alright, he couldn't take it anymore; overheating from all the anger, Red-X threw them all off of him in one furious move—one might easily mistake him for a Super-Saiyan—and mercilessly knocked the living daylights out of them.

After mere seconds of a brutal and unfair fight, X, panting heavily from the frustration, walked back over to the phone he left beside the egg on the crate and picked up on his conversation where he left off.

"There…I turned it down…happy?" he seethed the words through his unmasked teeth.

"Very much, thank you." she answered back happily, as if she weren't even angry a second ago.

O, how X sincerely did not like her. Why couldn't she be like Robin or the other Titans and just be a pushover? WHY did she have to be a bigger nuisance than _him_?

"Well, I need to go now. No doubt Beast Boy's getting impatient. Bye, X! Bye, Bri—"

Red-X hung up on her before she could complete her sentence.

After pulling the mask back down, he then looked down at his bubbly son, still happy from being able to hear his mother's voice again, but X was still too stressed to feel anything from his son's innocent laughter. In fact, he seemed to be laughing at _him_.

X glared at the thing with narrowed slits, expecting it to obediently shut up like a good son—uh, EGG—should.

Instead, the little egg gasped as if something bad were about to happen, his mouth taking the form of an "O". X, slightly puzzled at the thing's response was completely unaware of the tall figure behind him about to cut his head clean off with his left hook-hand.

"What?" X asked the egg, oblivious to his current predicament.

Glancing behind him to see if there was a source more frightening than he should've been, Red-X saw El Gancho, mad for revenge, preparing to bring the steel hook crashing down on him and the egg.

Thinking quickly or not at all, X dove over the crate before him, picking up the egg and holding it close to him in mid-flight, and just barely avoided the crushing impact of the hook as it disintegrated the wooden box to splinters.

Landing by somersaulting on his shoulder, X quickly stood back up with the egg still in his arms and prepared to face this one last opponent before leaving to collect his payment.

Whereas it was happy just moments ago, the little egg was now crying again. Whether it was from X's skull mask, the fact that he wasn't talking to his mother anymore, or the overall situation, Red-X really didn't care. He just wanted it to shut up.

And despite the loud crying, X still managed to focus on the charging enemy; with each wild swing of the hook, Red-X instinctively shuffled back to avoid each blow. And with each step back, El Gancho took one forward; continuing to strike and miss as the thief managed to weave away from each blow. Finally, X broke the pattern by landing an unexpected head-butt against Gancho's skull. While it stunned the enemy for a few valuable moments, that also hurt X too.

Little Brion, however, thought this slapstick was hilarious, and it showed when he broke out into his cute baby laughter.

The small concussion on X's behalf only made him even more annoyed at the laughing egg.

"Alright, that's it! I'm turning you off! Now where's the off-switch on you?" Red-X asked as he began examining all sides of the machine for the button he so longed to find…what he found instead however, was the last thing he hoped would find.

While he'd turned the egg upside-down to see if the switch was _down there_, he was immediately met with a concentrated arc-beam of urine hitting him squarely on the chest.

1. What was he thinking searching _down there_ for an off-switch?

2. WHERE was all this urine coming from?! This thing was just an animatronic egg and it didn't even have any organs!

3. Was that little punk STILL LAUGHING?! Okay, it spent waaaaay too much time with Terra if it laughed this much at X's humiliation.

Normally, this sort of thing would anger Red-X even more, but all the stress of this day alone had worn him out by now, so he just accepted it. That's it. He just stood there, a blank "whatever" expression on his face, and a lemonade sea mercilessly moistening his suit.

Whatever.

Just whatever.

Screw this little egg, just _whatever_.

El Gancho was regaining his focus and, despite seeing his foe in a handicapped position, followed through with an attack from his hook anyways. He charged at the man in black, screaming, and a passionate thirst for victory swelling up inside of him. His opponent was still just standing there and looking at him with that blank "whatever" look; not the least bit fazed at the charging rhino of an opponent rapidly approaching him.

Finally, Red-X was within the reach of his deathly hook. Still screaming out for blood, El Gancho raised the hook above his head and prepared to strike.

"This is the end for you, Red—"

Before the smuggling operator could deliver the fatal blow, let alone finish his sentence, X nonchalantly turned the whizzing egg around so that it was facing the hooked-man. Poor ol' Gancho was met with the strong current of a burning yellow river flying directly into his eyes.

O, how it burned.

In a state of incomprehensible pain, the bald criminal staggered back and, in a desperate act to protect his eyes, moved BOTH hands up to his eyes…bad idea when you have a sharp deathtrap for a hand.

Needless to say, it sucked to be him right about now.

And while all this was happening, the egg baby was still laughing and Red-X still didn't give a care. Actually, this was kind've funny. Feeling the urge rising up, he mildly joined his baby in laughter. And while they were laughing, neither of them bothered to notice that Gancho, in his confused state, had tripped over the discarded bazooka from earlier and accidentally launched the rocket into the mountains of explosive-filled crates all around them!

The chain of explosions quickly caught the attention of Red-X, Gancho, and woke up the unconscious smugglers.

The unintelligible horde of criminals frantically ran out the doomed ship any way they could—some even jumped out the windows—knocking X over in the process. But even stuck in this setback, X held the ignorant egg baby over the crowd so that it wouldn't be damaged from the stampede.

The freighter was completely evacuated (save for X and his son), but still the fiery chorus swelled. Smoke was filling the area and flames were shooting up everywhere.

Red-X lay on the ground, previously trampled upon, paternal instincts still forcing him to hold the now crying egg up in the air, even though he no longer had to. When he regained consciousness and noticed the smoke, his eyes shot open at the sudden realization that the smoke could kill the baby! His mask had an oxygen filtering system built in it, so he would live, but as for Little Brion…

Going against his self-preservative nature, Red-X removed his mask, freeing his messy red hair, and stuffed the baby in it as if it were a sack of some sort. Lucky enough, the egg was roughly the size of X's head, so it fit in the mask like a glove. Now breathing should be easier for the crying egg.

Though conscious, he was still sore from his trampling and was having trouble lifting himself onto his knees—from there he would attempt to stand again, so long as his aching back and legs didn't give out.

It was only now, after he'd removed the mask from his own face, that X realized how hard it was to breathe in this atmospheric mess. He let out a series of violent coughs to clear out his throat.

Holding the protected baby close to him, Red-X looked up at the ceiling and saw the burning roof falling right at him! Eyes widening, he punched the button on his xenothium-powered belt and teleported himself and the egg out of there, just barely cheating death.

He reappeared on the same rooftop as when he'd started the mission, and dropped down to his hands and knees, inhaling the sweet oxygen he missed so dearly. It wasn't until he heard the baby continue to cry that he remembered that he wasn't wearing his mask anymore. He set the makeshift sack gently on the ground, opening the mask so that he could see the sad, scared little egg, just wanting to be held in his dad's arms in order to feel secure again.

Red-X couldn't help but smile softly at the baby. Sure it had hurled all over his cape and whizzed on the costume, but it also made a mockery of Enrique El Gancho and caused the destruction of the entire freighter (not to mention all the weapons, drugs, and stolen goods inside of it)—all without even trying. Maybe this egg was more like X than he let on.

"Kid," X started, a hint of amusement in his voice, "you're going to be the death of me."

***

Deep within the urban sewer of Gotham City, in a fancy upper-class night club filled with all the rich folk the city had to offer called the "Ice-Burg Lounge", a portly man, short in stature, made his way into his darkly lit, private office.

His name was Oswald Cobblepot, but all the thieves and crime lords knew him better as "The Penguin", one of Gotham's untouchable kingpins of crime.

The portly little man, dressed sharply in his expensive tuxedo and Mr. Peanut-style hat, walked into the dark room, preparing to go to work.

"…and remember, Lark, the police claim they've found evidence connecting me to the string of robberies across town, so be sure to pay them off before the word spreads too far." the corrupt businessman instructed to one of his workers.

The waitress did not respond, but only nodded in acceptance, as she was trained to, and left to carry out her newly appointed task.

And with that, Cobblepot discreetly closed the door behind him and took his seat at his desk and prepared to go to work…that is, before a distorted voice startled him.

"Hey there, five chins, how's crimes?"

Good. Red-X had arrived.

"Ah, Red-X. So good to see you've made it back alive. I heard there was a disturbance by the docks and began to worry."

"I'm flattered." the hired thief sarcastically commented.

"So, do you have the scarab?"

X reached into a pouch on the side of his belt and pulled out the golden artifact his employer had requested for.

"You know it." X replied as he carelessly tossed the small, priceless object towards the Penguin's lap.

"Splendid." Cobblepot answered back, clumsily catching the thing before it could hit the ground.

"And the payment?" X asked expectantly, crossing his arms in a demanding sort of fashion.

"Oh, don't worry, I've got it all right here."

There seemed to be a hint of annoyance in the portly man's tone, but that was common for those who were unfortunate enough to meet Red-X. He reached underneath the desk and set a briefcase of $100,000 on top of it, opening it to show him it was for real.

"I hope this is to your satisfaction."

Red-X studied the payment briefly, taking extra care not to seem desperate. This would be enough to help him pay for all those bills piling up back home. He was once a well-feared and respected tech thief, but ever since the situations at home started getting worse, this was what he was reduced to.

"It'll do. Thanks, tons-of-fun" he said, maintaining his cool and unloading the money into his backpack, taking care not to crush the sleeping egg baby inside.

"Please, enough of the fat jokes." the Penguin replied, keeping his dignified tone.

"So, what's with the sudden interest in Cuban gold? I thought you were into bird crap."

"Oh, this isn't for me—it's for a client of mine; it will make him very happy…and me very rich. Anyways, I have another assignment for you..." Cobblepot paused a moment, taking a whiff of the air and, a second later, choked on the stench of urine and vomit invading his office.

"By my bird feathers, what is that putrid smell?!"

X, done putting the money away, gave Penguin a blank look, and he took the hint—Penguin also really didn't want to know what happened to him to make him smell this awful.

Spraying some air-freshener in the room, Penguin continued what he was going to say:

"As I was saying, I have another job for you; archaeologists have recently discovered a new diamond in the South Pole that I've taken a great interest in."

"And why's that?"

"I believe that this is the same diamond that I lost in a fight to Batman in the Arctic nine months ago. It was always my favorite."

"Ah. So it's got sentimental value. So, tub-of-butter, exactly how much is this thing worth?"

Cobblepot chuckled.

"I'll be paying you far more than what you've been paid you before if you pull this job off right—and you can't possibly miss the diamond, it's roughly the size of your HOT-AIR-FILLED HEAD."

Red-X slightly raised one of his eye slits in mild amusement.

"Touché, Pengy. So again, _exactly_ how much will I be paid for this?"

Cobblepot leaned back comfortably in his chair, folding his hands together on the table before him and raising his chin up high to further declare his power and dignity—something he suspected the thief before him didn't have—or maybe once did, but had since lost it—just to rub it in.

"One million dollars." he told him slowly, savoring the moment.

Red-X tried his hardest not to seem as if this were a lot, but the slits of his eyes grew wider, just slightly, barely noticeable to the human eye, but it was still enough a hint for Penguin to deduce that he had him at his mercy.

"I'll consider it." X replied, keeping his cool, laid-back tone.

"Well consider it soon; the diamond arrives in the Jump City museum this Wednesday."

And with that, Red-X slung the backpack back over his shoulders and climbed up to the sill of the window, preparing to leave when he suddenly remembered something:

"Oh yeah, I ran out of xenothium on the way here—can I get a ride back to Jump?"

Penguin leaned forward, elbows propped up on the desk and chin resting against his raised, folded hands, a sinister chuckle escaping his fish-scented mouth. No, he wouldn't grant the thief's stupid request…not after their history of fat-jokes anyways.

***

It was always darkest before the dawn in Gotham city, and the dawn was nowhere in sight as of yet; only black clouds and a dark sky depressed the corrupt city.

X, changed out of his Red-X uniform and back in his civvies, sat impatiently at a bench next to a bus stop, the egg baby snuggled comfortably in the backpack beside him. He wasn't tired at all; he was a natural night-owl in fact, as his job demanded.

He was wearing his dark gray jacket to keep him warm and a short-sleeved black shirt underneath. His legs didn't need much to stay warm, just a pair of blue jeans and he was set to last the night. His hands, however, didn't have any covering, so he kept his arms folded in order to keep them warm. But that wasn't all—the night's cold chills had also penetrated his unprotected face, and it was starting to turn red as a result.

Finally, the bus had arrived; he could only hope they had a heater inside. Making his way up the steps, he dropped the proper amount of bus-fare into the box and ventured further down the aisle, taking a window seat near the back.

There weren't many other people in here, so he figured a quiet ride back home would be guaranteed…NOT. Before the doors could close, a little old lady, possibly in her late eighties, slowly made her way down the bus and took a seat right next to X, much to his dismay. The old dinosaur was in a talkative mood.

"Hello there, young man," the old lady greeted, in her aged and weary voice, "that's quite a large backpack you have there."

"All the better to pummel someone with." he unenthusiastically replied, referencing the infamous lines of the wolf from _Little Red Riding Hood_. It seemed fitting, given that the lady beside him was probably around back when that story was first made.

"You know, that reminds me something that happened to me back in the summer of '29…"

"Lady, I really don't want to hear about—"

Too late. She'd already started her boring life-story—and judging by the legions of wrinkles on her face, it would be a _long_ one.

"Bert and I were on our way to the World Series in San Francisco, riding on a pair of cows that we'd stolen from that nasty old Mr. Krummel from down the street. You see, he'd been in the cow-pirating business for some time, making pirated cows to sell to Bosnia for twenty circus monkeys each, so he was making a killing out of this. So Bert and I thought we'd take some pirated cows and go watch some baseball with them, but along the way we met the nicest man to ever live. I believe his name was "The Ghost of Henry Morgan", or something like that. Anyways, Mr. Morgan had come to devour our souls and use them to resurrect himself from beyond the grave so he could continue his career of privateering, which is quite different from pirating, mind you. And oh, he was so nice. And that's when we realized we forgot to get dressed that day, so we found some stray Chihuahuas and…"

Some time went by, and X was annoyed beyond all reason. For an old lady who should have trouble _breathing_, she sure could talk for a long time. In a futile attempt to block out the noise, the jammed his fingers inside his ears, but it was all for naught as the ancient rambling machine continued its relentless assault of useless crap.

"…which would explain how he was able to pull a whole undead guinea pig out his nose. And the next day, Bert and I were jumping over our Chinese neighbor's fence so we could get those nachos back. There's something we learned the hard way; never give an atomic wedgie to an Arabian tiger-tamer, because you never know if those blood-thirsty tigers have rabies. So, Bert got the nachos back, but the neighbor's dog wasn't being very nice that day, so Bert just kicked him right in the jaw and sent him flying into a bus flying straight for the sun. I wonder if he ever met that pirated cow that jumped the moon…"

Good Lord! Would she ever just SHUT UP?! X pushed his fingers deeper into his ears. He didn't care if he poked a hole in his brain from all this, HE JUST WANTED SOME DANG PEACE AND QUIET!!!

"…which is really only legal in Egypt, but we figured 'what the hey?'. And then he proposed to me right there on the spot—now you see, we were poor, and he couldn't afford a ring, so instead he used a stolen pig fetus. Oh, it was so romantic. We had our honeymoon on Saturn, and you would never believe who we ran into there: it was Ulysses Simpson Grant himself! He was a fairly nice man, but had some anger problems that came and went. Not to mention, his taste in music was terrible—now why couldn't he just head-bang to heavy metal like the rest of us? Well anyways, we figured as long as we were on Saturn, we might as well look at their whales and ride them back to Earth to declare war on Mexico…"

Finally, X just took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat, accepting the inevitable. This old coot was even worse than the baby. Speaking of which…

Red-X reached towards his feet and pulled the heavy backpack up to his lap with ease and opened it up, just to check on how the baby was doing. And sure enough, there it was, still sleeping away without a care in the world, making light breathing noises as he slept securely in his innocent dreamland.

X gazed at the little egg for a good long while. It helped distract him from the yammering old lady beside him—who still couldn't tell that he wasn't paying any attention to her. This egg…it was just so innocent—so pure. How long had it been since X had seen anyone like this? A creature wanting to bring nothing but pure joy to everyone around it. When he got right down to it, was this _really_ something worth hating? Shouldn't he give it another chance before discarding it? So it may have urinated and upchucked all over him, big deal. This thing…it was just too innocent to stay mad at.

It would be a while before the bus made it all the way to Jump, so that would mean more time to appreciate this little egg. Maybe it was about time to finally call it his son.

Red-X smiled warmly at his sleeping son snuggled warmly in the backpack on his lap, watching as it let out a baby-yawn and then return to sleep.

***

Finally, the bus arrived at Jump City, and X and his son were back home. There was an old baby-crib X had pulled down from the attic and put in the living room. As for X himself, he was in the rocking chair in front of the TV, cradling the baby, snugly wrapped up in a blanket, in his arms resting on his lap.

Okay, so he'd softened up to the thing—no one had to know. But why wouldn't he soften up to it eventually? There was no good reason to hate it.

He continued to hold his loving gaze at the sleeping egg.

"You know something, kid?" X started, making sure to keep a hushed tone so he wouldn't wake him, "You're actually pretty cute when you're not pissing everywhere."

Soon enough, X himself was starting to drift off into sleep. That is, until he heard footsteps approach the front door, followed by a hostile voice he'd hoped he wouldn't hear from until the month's end.

"The hell is this?!" The voice shouted at the red-haired boy holding the egg in his lap.

This was Red-X's father, Marcus Lancaster.

Standing just four inches higher than his son and having a mess of poorly gelled back blonde hair, this man was his son's worst nightmare. Especially on nights like this when he was thirsty on a hostile level for a beer. He wasn't the most well-built person ever, in fact he was a bit lanky for a man his age, save for the pot-belly as a result from all his drinking. But despite all these qualities, he was by far the greatest fear-inflicting man X had ever seen in his life.

He was once a very kind and loving man, but that person died on the same day their family did. Even so, that was the man Red-X tried to see him as, rather than this heartless monster.

Red-X's eyes shot open in fear the instant he heard his father's voice, and to further exploit his horror, he looked over towards the front door and saw the antagonizing man standing before him. And he looked awfully angry and seemed even more threatening with that scent of liquor on his breath.

"Is this what they're teaching you at school now?! How to be a fricking pansy?!"

Red-X hated to see his dad like this. He feared for his life for what was sure to come.

"D—Dad!" he weakly stammered out, "What are you doing here? I thought you'd be out of town for the rest of the month!" the fear in his voice was easily detected from a mile away. X was different around his father; he wasn't his usual cool and collected self, but broken down to lowest level of fear and cowardice known to man.

"I came back for the rest of the beer, but instead I find my faggot son with…what the hell is that?!"

X rose from his chair and carefully placed the egg baby in the crib beside him.

"It's a project we have to do at school to see if we're good parents—"

"And what's that supposed to mean?!" his dad harshly interrupted, "Are you trying to say I'm a bad parent?!"

Red-X felt the inevitable coming closer and closer. He knew what was about to happen.

"No, Dad, that's not what I meant—" he desperately pleaded for his dad to listen, but then _it_ happened. The one thing X feared most of all when he was around his dad.

He hit him.

Hard, right across his right cheek, X's dad had struck him with all the strength a back-knuckle slap from his right arm could deliver. On someone as battle-hardened as X, it didn't hurt as much as his father he'd hoped it would, but it knocked him off of his feet and onto his rear nonetheless. And those teary, heart-broken eyes from his son were all the comfort he needed to make sure he was still in power.

"Shut up! Don't you dare talk back to me like that!" he violently screamed down at his son, while kicking him hard in the chest to keep him down on the floor. He wanted him to feel lower than the dirt itself, and he would continue to beat him until he reached that point—six feet under if he had to.

"Dad, I'm sorry—" Red-X tried to get out, tears now mildly falling from his eyes, but a fist struck him across the other cheek, keeping him down at floor-level.

Before X could catch his breath, his abusive father had wrapped his ten fingers around his son's throat, shaking him violently.

"What did I just say?! Don't you ever talk back to me! Ever!"

Despite the impossible situation he found himself in, X could escape with no effort at all. He could snap both of his dad's elbows out of alignment with no effort at all. Or he could break each and every one of his ribs with just a quick flex of his knees…

"And don't you ever think about standing up to me, you little punk!"

…Permanently blind him by plucking those nasty, hate-filled eyes using only his two fingers. Or maybe he'd snap that scraggly neck of his, and savor the sound of his last breaths. He didn't need that xenothium powered suit; he was perfectly capable of disabling, or even _killing_ this man on top of him using only his natural abilities…

"You're nothing! You hear me?! Nothing!"

…But he didn't want to. Even though the feeling wasn't mutual, Red-X loved his father and wouldn't ever dream of harming him, no matter how hard he was beaten by him. His body could take it. But despite his physical strength, being beaten around by the one person you love most would be enough to crush anybody's spirits beyond repair, and Red-X was no exception. There was more to the unstoppable thief than he let on—he was just like anybody else underneath that mask; he both feared and loved, and he even bled.

Finally, his father seemed to calm down enough to the point that he let go of his throat. But it wasn't because he was feeling merciful; it was he really wanted that beer. His dad left his broken son to writhe on the floor next to the crib and walked into the kitchen and left with a six-pack of beer in his hands. Before leaving, he took one good look at his pathetic excuse of a son, still lying on the floor.

"And get rid of that damn egg. I'll be back next month—don't let me catch you doing something like this ever again."

And with that, the abusive monster left the house, closing the front door behind him.

As for Red-X, he was starting to cry now. This was something he wouldn't be caught dead doing around anyone else, but he couldn't hold it in any longer. Reduced to nothing more than a crying child, X sat upright, knees tucked in, and let the river of tears pour out into his arms, resting on his knees.

He wasn't the strong super-thief, Red-X, anymore. Now he was returned to being that sad child, Zeke, again. He sincerely hated being him. Zeke was the weak victim of years and years of neglect and child abuse. Who in their right mind would ever want to be him?

Little Brion had heard his father's crying and stirred around in his bead for a little bit and then tried to sit up—something hard to do when you have no limbs. Trying to show his concern for his father, he made little, unintelligible baby noises from his mouth, attempting to get his attention.

_What's wrong, Daddy? Why are you crying?_, he tried to say, but couldn't all because he didn't know how to speak yet.

Zeke heard his son's baby noises and turned his head around to see him looking at him through the bars on the crib, a deep and innocent look of concern on his face.

Having no one else to comfort him, Zeke pulled the baby out of its bed and held it close. He desperately needed someone to be there for him, and this little egg was all he had.

Little Brion tried to hug back, but that was physically impossible for him. So, still oblivious to the situation, he remained held close to his father's chest, arms wrapped around him and the heart-breaking sound of his tears filling the room.

_Please, Daddy, stop crying. Please be happy again._

Soon enough, Little Brion was becoming stricken with sorrow too, feeling useless to help his father. He didn't want to be a burden; he just wanted to help, but knew he was unable to.

Father and son stayed bawling in the other's arms before Zeke's phone started ringing. Now wasn't the time to cry; he had to pull himself back together and become Red-X once again.

He set the baby gently down before him and pulled the phone out of his pocket. He looked at the caller ID and instantly recognized it as Terra's. Flipping the phone open, "St. Jimmy" came to an abrupt halt and the conversation began. He started out weak, not entirely recovered from being Zeke, but caught himself soon enough, reverting back to X.

"Hel—hello?" he asked into the phone.

"Hey, X, it's Terra. I was calling to let you know that I'm on my way over to pick up the baby, since I know you didn't want anything to do with it in the first place. I guess it was pointless to try and make you bond to him."

But X, or Zeke pretending to be X (he still hadn't completely recovered) didn't want to part with the baby; after all, it was the closest thing to human kindness he'd experienced since he was a child—and he needed it now more than ever. So, sucking up his pride, he asked her what he never thought he would.

"Um, Terra…" this was an especially hard thing to ask her, but he finally managed to get it through, "…can I spend one more day with the baby?"

This came as sort of a shock to Terra; did _X_ just ask to spend more time with the baby? What's more, did he just call it a _baby_? So it seemed as though they had bonded after all. A small, warm smile came across Terra's face from the sudden news.

"Well, I was going to take him out to the park and maybe the mall tomorrow—would you like to come too?" she offered him.

This was the closest X would get to seeing his request fulfilled, so he decided to just accept the offer and be content with what he had.

"Uh…sure. So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yup. I'll stop by your place at nine?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Alright then, it's a date."

And Terra hung up on the other end after that.

…

…

WAIT, DID HE JUST AGREE TO GO ON A "DATE" WITH TERRA!?!?!?!

***

A jaw-shattering punch soared through the air and made its target: right in the jaw of the decayed, muscular, zombie. Solomon Grundy was sent hurtling back from the blow to the jaw and crashed hard through the wall of the Daily Planet, plummeting into the streets below. Naturally, he survived the impending crash onto the asphalt many stories below, but it still hurt pretty badly.

Flying out of the wreckage from whence Grundy was kicked out of was the muscular figure of the man who'd sent him to the ground. Short black hair blew mildly in the wind as his large red cape flew in the current behind him. A decorated "S" figure marking his chest, he was an idol known all throughout the civilized world. Loved by the do-gooders, and feared by the villainous scum. This was none other than Superman himself.

The man of steel reached into his ear and spoke into the communicator he and the rest of the League was issued, that he might send a message through.

"Geo-Force, it looks like you're going to have your hands full down there. I'd stick around, but I'm a little busy up—"

A pale white hand tugged at Superman's hair and tossed him into a nearby reception desk. Given that the Daily Planet was full of desks and computers, it would be hard not to land on one.

"You am doomed, Superman! Bizzaro am stronger!" the deathly pale doppelganger of the man of steel boldly declared, butchering the proud English language in the process.

Superman stood back up and flew fast at his "clone", landing two solid punches to his face.

Down in the streets below, a well-built, strawberry-blonde-haired man, guised in his signature gold and brown uniform, had his hands full fighting off the other Legion of Doom members all on his own. Martian Manhunter was out cold and "Supes" was still occupied with Bizzaro and Luthor up top, leaving Geo-Force to fend for himself. Ah well, it's not like these guys were much of a challenge.

With a quick wave of his hand, the Markovian warrior sent a slab of earth hurtling into the villainous Copperhead, knocking him off his feet and out cold.

The earth on which he stood warning him of another impending threat, Geo-Force sharply turned around in time to avoid a boxing-glove attached to a coil coming from a gun carried by the Joker. Dodging the childish gun, he countered with a bone-crunching punch to the insane clown's face, sending him flying off the ground, down the street and hard into the broadside of a news-vehicle.

The earth-bound warrior took a moment to catch his breath; the Joker and Copperhead weren't the ones he was tired of fighting, but it was Gorilla Grodd and Sinestro who'd worn him out just earlier.

Interrupting his momentary break was the ringing of his Justice League communicator. He reached into it and flipped it open, expecting to see someone like Green Arrow or Red Tornado requesting help downtown, but instead he saw the face belonging to a teenaged cyborg—a friend of his sister's.

"Hello?" he asked into the communicator, awaiting a response.

"Hey, Geo-Force! Just thought I'd call and say congratulations!" Cyborg answered back.

"Do you know what time it is over here in Metropolis? And shouldn't it also be late in California—hold on a minute, what do you mean "congratulations"?"

"You mean Terra hasn't told you yet?"

The Joker, back on his feet now, snuck up on Geo-Force, preparing to bring an outrageously large sledgehammer down on his skull…but with a careless twitch of his fingers, Brion had sent two large chunks of earth to "sandwich" the clown where he stood, instantly knocking him out cold.

"Hasn't told me what?" Brion asked back, concern starting to grow within him.

"Dude! You're a freaking uncle now! Terra named her kid after you and everything!"

Brion Markov's eyes popped open from the sudden shock, and the communicator slipped out of his fingers and onto the hard pavement by his feet, shattering into pieces.

How could this have happened?! How could his little sister have a child at this age?! And who was the father…?!

Beast Boy.

Who else could've done this to his sister?

***

"Geo? Geo-Force?" Cyborg called into the communicator from his seat at the bar in the tower's kitchen, but only received static as a response.

"Uh-oh." he said out loud.

"What?" Robin asked from the fridge, looking for a midnight snack.

"Do you think Brion will figure out I was only kidding and was just talking about that egg baby?"

Robin just nonchalantly shrugged, pulling out a half-empty box of pizza from the fridge and taking a seat beside his friend.

"Brion's a smart guy. He'll figure it out before something bad happens."

Reassured that he hadn't set forth a series of hazardous events from a simple prank-call, Cy calmed down a bit, joining his friend in the devouring of the pizza before them.

Everyone could rest now, knowing that Brion hadn't come to the wrong conclusion and that all was peaceful once again…

NOT!

***

Back in downtown Metropolis, Brion Markov, still stunned from the horrible, shocking news of what fate befell his sister, closed his eyes and clenched his fists and teeth, trying to soothe out the extreme anger he was feeling at the moment. Beast Boy had gotten his little sister pregnant, and they now had a son. He would pay dearly for this despicable act.

"I swear this, no matter how long it will take, now matter what I must sacrifice to do regain my sister's stolen honor…"

Geo-Force, unable to hold in the rage and thoughts of vengeance swelling up within, let out an ear-shattering cry that literally made the earth tremble beneath his feet, and could be heard from the vast reaches of space.

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT GREEN PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

I can't say that I'm happy with the way Red-X is turning out. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong--maybe it's that I gave him a secret identity that contradicts with his character or that I gave him a secret identity at all--but it feels like I'm doing something wrong. Some feedback on the subject would be greatly appreciated. Red-X is one of my favorite characters, and the last thing I would ever want to do would be to put him out of character.

Wait, I'm not done just yet (yes, you have the unfortunate fate of having to listen to me talk a little longer, so deal with it)! I would like to sincerely thank Red Phoenix Star for granting me permission to use her idea of Cyborg prank-calling Brion about the egg baby. Yes, that was her idea, and I am very grateful that she let me use it. So thanks, Red Phoenix Star, for letting me use your awesome idea (and don't worry; I'm not done with Geo-Force just yet D)! You have no idea how grateful I am for this.

* * *


End file.
